It’s been over a week in this crazy prayer journey of mine and I have a shocking revelation for you. There has been no noticeable change in me. That’s right, I am pretty much the same person I was just a week ago. Even after praying six times a day for eight days now I still suck. I still get cranky when I when I get angry and tired and snap at my kids. I do this even right after I pray (Gasp!! I know). I still sputter when stuck in traffic or when someone cuts me off. That dark side I have is still just as dark. I don’t feel happier and I’m not even a better Christian. It is no easier for me to pray.
By now you may have picked up on a hint of sarcasm. None of the things mentioned above were motivations for me to start this Lenten prayer journey. And I don’t mean to engage in self-loathing. It’s not that I think I’m a horrible person. But I do see a change and that change is in my desire. It seems that the more that I pray the more I realize my need to pray. In the words of the great C.S. Lewis I do not pray because it changes things but because it changes me. Not my circumstances but me. I realize anew my utter dependence on God for my existence, my sustenance, my salvation. And after all isn’t that what Lent is about.